Friday, November 29, 2019

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Twenty-four

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                           

Chapter Twenty-four

(Answering your phone call to me) “Sandy the Elf here, what’s your favorite color?”

Mine is purple, in more ways than one. I recently saw the musical production of “Elf” at the University of California, Pennsylvania, my alma mater. ( I’m still searching for my alma pater, but those records are sealed.) I smiled from beginning to end, and as an aspiring humor writer, I want to say that “I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite.”

As an elf and a WW member I know that “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” We humans try to exercise portion control. The elf side of me and the human WW side of me are in a constant tug-of-war. My fractured personalities can emerge in a heartbeat. One second I am WW member extraordinaire, the next second I am a “cotton-headed ninny-muggins!” I promised Santa (Coach Kathy) that 2020 would be less syrupy!

“I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest (Hell), through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops (guilt trips), and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel (Liberty Tunnel, hey I’m in Pittsburgh, afterall!)” to get half way to my goal weight. I need to stay off Santa’s naughty list to reach and maintain my magic number. (110 pounds...I lied, but then I also once lied to my anesthesiologist assuming he would add a few pounds to my chart!) Although I’m not proud of it, I’ve been known to “sit on a throne of lies,” and let me tell you, lies have been known to cause a prickly butt rash and weight gain!

So let me just say that “gum on the street is not free candy,” nor is it zero smart points, nor is it very smart to chew leftovers of any kind, especially if you just finished a meal.

As we celebrate our Thanksgiving successes: including but not limited to such non scale victories as avoiding arguments with relatives, considering family drama the latest blockbuster movie for your viewing pleasure, creating rubber body armor where insults bounce off your sensitive spots (mine are located in both knees and lower back), setting your default response to laughter instead of tears, we can now count down the days to more holiday fun (agony). Either we can employ the strategies listed above, or become a holiday hermit.

I’m going to take the advice of my friend, Buddy the Elf, who told me that the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. So I’m singing, I’m in a WW blog and I’m singing. And to paraphrase Buddy, I’m following a nice purple WW plan. It’s very purpley!

Until next week, remember that Santa is coming and “there’s room for everyone on the Nice List!” Be nicer and happier!

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

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