Saturday, September 21, 2019

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Fourteen

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Fourteen

I call this chapter, “The Do and Don’t of WW,” so let’s get right to it.

Don’t drown your sorrows in a bottle or a cookie. They are equally addictive.

Eliminate the siren call of fragrances like freshly baked bread, movie popcorn and homemade goodies.

Drown out these smells with replacement bottles of Eau De Parfum of an old boyfriend’s aftershave (Canoe), my Dad’s cologne (English Leather), roses or your favorite flower, a new package of Crayola crayons, freshly cut grass, sawdust from Santa’s workshop, elementary school paste from a long ago time, evergreen trees, baby powder, Shalimar or your perfume of choice (Think “Scent of a Woman” and tango your troubles away!), summer mornings, etc.

All of these items smell delicious, but are inedible, except maybe paste. Remember the kid who sat behind you in first grade?

I may start a new business that will bottle an antidote for your particular culinary poison. I’m thinking of calling it “Take a Whiff.”

Did you ever notice that a lot of zero point foods look pretty, but don’t lure you to an early death with an enticing smell? I think WW should have their own version of 911 calls. Please send help, I’m about to walk into caloric quicksand. Oh, wait! I believe we have WW coaches that are here for me and you 24/7. Your coach/911 dispatcher will calmly tell you that with quicksand, the more you struggle in it the faster you will sink. If you just relax, your body will float in it because your body is less dense than quicksand. However, this dispatcher has never met my dense body! I may need Lassie to come to my rescue. Speaking of quicksand, when was the last time you saw a movie containing this substance? I think quicksand is now extinct. All the dinosaurs filled it up. And speaking of Lassie, are you too young to know this reference? Lucky you.

Moral of this chapter: Don’t fight the WW program. Go with the flow. Stop eating paste or your body will become more dense than quicksand. You don’t want to become landfill like T-Rex and his relatives.

Until next week, don’t be dense and do be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha I do still clearly remember the kid in elementary school who ate paste 😂


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