Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Tom Foolery

So here's my "take on the Toms." It's 2 hours into election day, and I have not voted yet for the governor of Pennsylvania. But based on the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article, "Tweets From The Next Governor" dated November 2, 2014, Tom Wolf will be getting my vote. Why, you may ask? Because Tom Corbett is simply no fun, I may answer!

TC's favorite childhood book was The American Landmark Books history series. Give me a break! What part of "childhood" doesn't he understand? According to my research assistant, Wolfgang, early childhood ranges from 3 to 8 years old and middle childhood is 9 to 11 years old. Did he actually enjoy reading about the American Revolution at age 3? Or perhaps he loved to listen to this series as a bedtime story. If so, you were boring even as a child, TC. My man, Wolf, loved The Biography of Lou Gehrig. Baseball is fun and even though Lou Gehrig (spoiler alert!) died at the end, I believe Wolf gave the better answer. Actually, Corbett did not even pick one favorite book.

Corbett claims he has never voted for a national or statewide candidate of the opposite party. Wolf votes regardless of party affiliation. I vote for the not boring candidate who makes smart choices.

Revealing something most people don't know about them, TC said, "I'm a little shy." TW said, "I have a varsity letter from Dartmouth in track and field." If the Toms were interviewing for a job, which they are, based on that question alone, which one would you hire? Shy, boring guy or intelligent athlete.

But the most surprising answer was to the question: Which active politician do you most admire and why? Corbett admires Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey. Wolf admires Kim Bracey, mayor of York, PA. Now, I don't know much about Mayor Bracey except that she's the first African-American mayor of the City of York. I also know that David Letterman does not ridicule her every night. I know a lot about Governor Christie and all of it comes from Letterman! And none of it is flattering. Let me just say that I don't want Corbett or Christie anywhere near our bridges. (Google Bridgegate, AKA the George Washington Bridge lane closure scandal if you want more info.)

Of course, boring Corbett wouldn't know about Letterman's merciless fat jokes, etc. about Christie because the only favorite TV show he watches is a Pirates, Penguins or Steelers game. By not picking a favorite show, he didn't even answer the question - again! Fun-loving Wolf answered in one word, "Seinfeld."

In conclusion, I'm voting for Tom Wolf  because he's fun, Bill Clinton called me and asked me to vote for Wolf and Wolf strongly resembles my brother, Jim. I trust my brother and I trust Wolf.

Tom Corbett, I think you should lighten up, answer the questions, pick better people to admire and now that you will soon be unemployed, spend some time reading and watching fun stuff.

I'm Kanela and I approve this article!

Email comments and political contributions or any contributions to Kanela, the fun- loving political analyst, at sandraseeley.com.

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