Monday, August 17, 2009

Meet My Assistant, Wolfgang Amadeus

The Adventures of a Shaolin Monk Dog, Kwai Chang Canine

You may be wondering how I manage to write so profoundly week after week. The answer literally lies on the floor with my four-legged assistant. My faithful companion is my listening public, enforcer of play breaks, and nap mate. I also use him as a furry foot futon. I, in return, am his human popsicle. Actually, he'll lick anything in front of his face. This symbiotic relationship is a huge benefit to both of us. Wolfgang gets his daily salt intake requirement as recommended by the FDA, while I get daily doses of love and laughter, which I relay to all of you. Do you feel loved and laughed?

Wolfers is a black lab mix. He's mostly lab, but only DNA testing can identify the mix. He may be part rhinoceros!

My favorite daughter and I rescued him from"certain death" from the Washington County Humane Society which I want to emphasize is a no-kill shelter. The rescue part involved holding him in my arms so a mean little boy couldn't adopt him.

Sir Wolfington has now been with us a little over two years. He has trained us well with the lessons he learned in puppy school and just recently, middle school. We send him off every Saturday with his Dramamine, backpack, lunch box, notebook, pencils, and doggie treats. We can now fetch a ball when he doesn't feel like returning it, feed him treats when he shakes hands a zillion times a day without being asked, and open the door to check for phantom visitors when he barks their appearance.

Wolf is fearless except when the Meals-on-Wheels people arrive daily for Mom or Mom's priest stops in for a visit. He then goes into manic barking mode. Should I be worried about the integrity of either of these seemingly harmless volunteers? He's also afraid of "thingies"that lie in wait for him outside at night. Thingies like lightning bugs and shadows.

However, during the day, "Grasshopper" is a Kung Fu master. I once watched in amazement and disgust as he snatched a fly in mid-flight and swallowed in delight. And yet, when we toss a tennis ball for him, he stands there and lets it hit him on the head. Hence, ("hence" is a funny word) Wolfgang Amadeus became my humor column assistant. He wanders the American New East armed only with his skill in Kung Fu and humor.

In conclusion, I'll share one little secret with you. Since Wolfgang hasn't learned to read yet - he'll never know. We once ran out of treats for Sir Glutton. So we filled his treat jar with regular Blue Buffalo Dog Food. He will do anything for those "treats", when all he has to do is visit his food bowl!

The funny thing about Wolfgang is that he is funny!

If you have any word treats for Wolfgang, please email these kudos to Wolfgang Amadeus at Kanela will also do anything for word treats!

1 comment:

  1. A word treat for Wolfgang? Can you say, "Keegan?"


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