Monday, August 24, 2009

G-20 at My House

"Welcome to my world. Won't you come on in?"

Exactly one month from today, I am hosting the G-20 Pittsburgh Summit at my house. This is a logistics nightmare to the nth power. The Redd-Up Campaign to de-clutter is overwhelming. The Secret Service and Molly Maid house cleaning experts are tag teaming for bugs.

Meals will be informal even though 10 presidents, 7 prime ministers, 1 chancellor, 1 king, random European Union people, and a partridge in a pear tree will be dining at my tables. I've decided to seat the prime ministers in the kitchen, chancellor, king, random EU people and partridge in the dining room, and presidents in the living room. This decision was based solely on the fact that President Obama insisted on watching the Steeler game on the living room big screen. Originally the Steelers were scheduled to play at Chicago on Sunday, September 20th, but by presidential veto the game was pushed back to September 24th to accommodate the G-20 Steeler Nation. In fact, even as I write, Soldier's Field is being moved from Chicago to Kanela's back yard for pre-game festivities. Russian President Dmitry Medvedev toasted and cheered, "Za druzhbu myezhdu narodami! Go, Steelers!" (To friendship between nations! Go Steelers!)

My faithful assistant, Wolfgang Amadeus, is in charge of the menu. I do hope no one is allergic to Blue Buffalo Dog Food prepared in a crock pot. Australian Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, reacted to this news by mumbling down under his breath, "Crikey!" French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, just swallowed his words.

The kitchen contingent of guests consisting of Australia, Canada, India, Italy, Japan, Turkey and The United Kingdom will be seated at a round table served by Sir Wolfington. The Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, upon hearing this news shouted, "Bravo!" The Japanese PM, Taro Also, nodded politely.

Entertainment was going to be watching Denzel Washington on location in the Strip District of Pittsburgh filming "Unstoppable." However, due to irreconcilable financial differences, Denzel and Fox Entertainment are divorcing. G-20 added this global financial and economic crisis to their "Next Steps" agenda. Wolfgang offered to chase his tail as a backup amusement plan. Indian PM Manmohan Singh called Wolfgang a slum dog which hurt his feelings. In retaliation, Wolfgang is seating the Indian PM in the rotating "Troika" chair that is not going to stop rotating.

All this planning and preparation were definitely worth the effort. I recently was surprised to learn that the Nobel Peace Prize Academy selected me for the 2009 Diversity In The Home Category. I apparently have done the best work for fraternity between nations and for promoting peace congresses. South African President, Jacob Zuma, pounded his chest twice, gave the peace sign, and said, "Peace Out." I personally would like to thank Jacob and the Oslo Academy.

If you, dear readers, have any dining or decorating tips, comments or congratulations for Kanela please email them ASAP (I'm needy!) to

1 comment:

  1. After being an outsider, this reader is pleased to find herself back on the "in" list of people who receive your posts! Since you have been given such a great honor in hosting the Summit, will you also appoint me as a member of your kitchen cabinet?


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