Thursday, March 23, 2006

Who's Who?

by: Kanela

Today I am Kanela and will continue to be Kanela until I no longer have teenagers living with me. They would be mortified to be publicly associated with this column. So for now, I will remain anonymous. Unfortunately, that means no flattering pictures of me next to my by-line. Instead I have given my editor permission to use Dave Barry’s picture with long blonde hair added for a feminine look. Feel free to claim to be Kanela should the need arise. Someday, we’ll have a public unveiling and my alter ego will come forward.

I used to love Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, but always confused them. I was saddened by Siskel’s death in 1999. My first thoughts were: What now? Will Ebert have to give movies a one thumb up or one thumb down? Use two hands? Do twice the work? My second thought was: Well, finally I’ll be able to distinguish between the two. Or did Ebert die?

Then there are Robert Dinero and Al Pacino. I have never seen these two fine actors together. Personally, I firmly believe they are the same person. They actually claim each other as dependents for tax purposes. Even the IRS is confused by them.

Two of my favorite folk singers will forever remain a mystery to me. Of course, I’m speaking silently of Simon and Garfunkle. Even after the split, I try to picture their individual physical characteristics, but would fail a matching quiz involving just these two.

Tommy and Dick Smothers are easier for me since Tommy was always my favorite. Only fair since Dick was his mother’s favorite. I recently saw this dynamic duo on a PBS special and am pleased to report that ageless Tommy still has that ornery gleam in his eyes.

And what’s with fettucine and linguine? I can’t even spell them let alone tell them apart. Must be that Italian thing again. See my debut article.

The old timers are especially difficult for me since they were before my time. Let’s see. It’s Abbot & Andy, Laurel & Costello, and Amos & Hardy. Right?

Here’s one for all you little people out there. Is Bert pointy headed and stupid or is it Ernie?

Only the other day, I had a chance encounter with Mary, as in Peter, Paul and Mary. She confided in me that after all these years, she’s totally clueless as to the identities of Peter and Paul.

In conclusion, I hope I have not made a huge mistake by allowing my name to be associated with Dave Barry’s picture. Years from now, when people see us together, will they be asking: Which on is Dave and which one is Kanela?

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  1. I must say I have experienced many of the same quandries. I do prefer to think of both Bert and Ernie as being rather intelligent creatures. My husband and I have come to realize that, side by side, we resemble these characters. One of us has a round face and one has a long narrow face. Who's who? We know. And if I needed to make a decision on which one has more intelligence, I of course know which one I'd choose!

  2. I don't think macing a mouse is inhumane if they eat all your food and poop in your house. Even if it is Mickey. (Although I hate Mickey Mouse for reasons other than pooping in my house). Bert is pointy-headed but they are both stupid.

  3. have to say that I liked all of the interesting articles you have here, you sort of reminded me of Irma Bombek,only better!!!
    and staying true to your virgo sign, virgos always have the talent of writing.
    So keep on writing!!!


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