Saturday, July 18, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-five

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss               
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Forty-five

As an avid reader of books, the type consisting of many pages bound together and protected by a hard cover, I especially miss my weekly trips to the library. Libraries were put into the non-essential business category and were forced to temporarily close their doors. Yes, I’m still reading on my Chromebook and iPhone, but I can honestly say I have never had a problem turning the pages of my real, hand held book. Unlike recently when my computer screen froze and would not allow me to advance the page of the titillating book I was attempting to read. The forward and back arrow keys refused my commands. Full disclosure: I was reading Never Love a Highlander by Maya Banks. Perhaps the steamy Scottish romance fogged up more than my brain, causing my “book” to malfunction.

This is WW related because during this pandemic I find myself just settling in so many ways. My research tells me that settling happens when you feel like you're losing little bits of yourself. Prior to self-isolation, I would be reading new releases by my favorite authors: Patterson, Baldacci, Grishom, Parker, King (sometimes) to name a few. Now the wait list for their ebooks is longer than your journey to Goal.

I’m determined to no longer settle for second best when it is related to my eating habits. No more excuses. I’m going to concentrate on what I can do to lose weight rather than harboring negative thoughts about my current weight.

I’m also back to borrowing books from libraries, relatives and friends. Currently on loan from my East Coast son is Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series. I’m on Book IV of VIII, enjoying them so much and considering “crying my son’s pardon”* when I “forget” to return them.

Note to self: Hoard books for next pandemic or Round Two of the current one.

Until next week, “I wish you longer days and pleasant nights.”* Don’t settle for second best and be happier.

*Credit to The Dark Tower


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Friday, April 24, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-four

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                           
Aloha Friday at 21!

Chapter Forty-four

It’s getting harder to stay light-hearted during this never ending pandemic with dire warnings about future Covids. I can’t even say I’m going to run away and join a circus anymore, due to lack of circuses. In the past, I used to tell my husband, Edward the Great, that I was going to run away from home, and don’t look for me in Hawaii, my favorite place in the world. Now it’s not even legal to run away. Could running away be considered a necessary trip outside?

During the late 60’s, when I first flew to Waianae, Hawaii on the leeward side of Oahu, to assume my fifth grade teaching position, the biggest problems facing me were a major airline strike and learning to pronounce Hawaiian names. Now I don’t know how I would manage to snorkel wearing a cloth mask. It would probably feel like waterboarding torture.

So fifty years later, on sleepless nights (it’s 2:00 am), I travel back across the Pacific Ocean to visit with my 21 year old self while listening to the Don Ho radio station on Pandora. BTW, I can still sing “Pearly Shells” in Hawaiian! And I often listened to Don Ho perform in person at his nightclub. To ward off panic attacks, I visualize myself lying on the beach at Pokai Bay in my bikini (no need for WW at that time). I can feel the tradewinds playing with my long, BROWN hair. I can smell the heady fragrances of all the exotic tropical plants. I’m traveling again on the Likelike Highway (LEE-kay-LEE-kay) from Honolulu to the windward side of Paradise to visit the Polynesian Cultural Center. I’m driving a baby blue Mustang that my roommate (and 4th grade teacher) had shipped from her home in San Jose, California. To paraphrase “The Blues Brothers,” there are 5000 miles from here to Pittsburgh, we’ve got a full tank of gas, it’s dark out and we’re wearing sunglasses. I left out the part about a half a pack of cigarettes since we didn’t smoke (the 60’s were almost over).

When we weren’t exploring our island, we could be found in our classrooms learning pidgin English, while trying to teach proper grammar. I’ll never forget one student who decorated his Open House folder with swear words. When I asked him why he did this, he said his Mother can’t read English. Actually, I’ll never forget all of my students that year. I hope they are happily married with children of their own. I hope they remember me fondly, too. Now the song “I’ll Remember You” is playing in my head. Perhaps I’ll return to Hawaii’s arms to stay some day.

How is all of this WW related? Well, I just demonstrated a visualization technique that took me to my happy place. Perhaps you can do the same. If I have gained a few pounds lately (which I have), I can blame it on the menehunes, the mischievous little people of Hawaii. Today, my plan is to get back on track. If can can. If no can, no can. If tracking doesn’t work right now, I’ll live by that Pidgin Philosophy for a few more weeks. Either way, I pau! Aloha nui loa.

Until next week, go to your happy place, but wear a mask.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Friday, April 17, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-three

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                               
Contains no Kryptonite!

Chapter Forty-three

My green Kryptonite (it comes in other colors, even periwinkle) is mint chocolate chip ice cream. Even my blood and skin are turning green from consuming copious amounts. It is weakening my superpowers. It’s a bullhorn within the freezer summoning me. I have no willpower to resist its call. Edward the Great dislikes the flavor and the chocolate (What is wrong with him? Actually, don’t get me started on that topic), therefore, I can eat straight out of the carton.

I saw on the news that it’s a scientific fact that isolation makes people hungrier. CNN acquired this data by observing me for the last month. They also reported that grocery stores in my area are completely out of minty, crystalline, strength-draining, frozen bullhorns. Fake news blamed it on hoarders; I blamed it on me.

What to do? WW would tell me to use portion control, diversionary tactics, meditation, or activity in order to resist temptation. I’m considering stronger tactics such as putting a lock on my freezer and hiding the key, duct taping my mouth closed or recreating a 1984 David Letterman stunt involving wearing a velcro suit, jumping on a mini trampoline in order to launch myself face forward to hook and loop myself to a wall. ETG could periodically unvelcro me for healthy meals and other necessities.

I just thought of one other fun diversionary tactic. I’m considering clicking repeatedly on the water (+) tracking part of the WW app. I love seeing the blue waves that appear with each click. I wonder how many 8 oz containers the app will let me accumulate before sexy voiced guy on “Manage Your Stress: Headspace’s Guided Meditations” rescues me from drowning or WW bans me from tracking.

My research assistant (Zeus) just informed me that Andy Puddicombe is the British voice on Headspace. He is actually its co-founder. He’s a former Buddhist monk who was fully ordained in a Tibetan monastery. Dear WW, is it okay to think that a former monk is sexy?

In conclusion, I’ve decided to do one of three things to stop my out of control eating of my favorite ice cream: I’m going to stop bringing it into my house or I’m going to join a Tibetan monastery or I’m going to switch to Breyers Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, it’s white!

Until next week, be more mindful and be happier.


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Friday, April 03, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-two

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                         
Zeus, please sign!

Chapter Forty-two

During my enforced isolation period due to the COVID-19 quarantine, I decided to devote a huge portion of my time to home-schooling Zeus. Thanks to attending previous classes with a local K-9 officer, Zeus graduated Summa Cum Average in basic, intermediate and advanced obedience lessons. He even passed his Good Citizen test. However, Zeus’ CEO mindset has kept him from achieving Laude status. I do not blame Officer Mike for Zeus’ lack of discipline. I blame myself for not assuming the Alpha role in our pack of three. I was given all the necessary tools for success, but did not use them consistently.

So starting today, Zeus is now enrolled in remedial behavior classes. I’ve been developing a syllabus for a canine code of conduct that defines my expectations for Zeus and his responsibilities. My goal is to have a well-mannered 3 year old German Shepherd who does not bark like a crazed Cujo when the doorbell rings, allows invited guests to enter our home willingly and heels on a leash preventing future thumb injuries to the leash holder (Edward the Great or me)! Objective: The student will be able to walk beside me for 3 minutes (measurable objective), at my pace, and stop and sit at attention when I stop. He will not embarrass me by using his superior strength to pull me in a horizontal position as if I were the sled in an Iditarod race and he, the lead dog.

Zeus’ first assignment is to read the syllabus and acknowledge his understanding of the objectives by his paw print signature. I’ve discussed rewards and motivation with Zeus, and he agrees that pretzel rods, string cheese, mini marshmallows and Blue Buffalo biscuits would be excellent motivation. He also suggested lots of praise and belly rubs.

I’m also creating a WW syllabus for myself. I know my goals. Trust me, they are measurable in pounds. I, again, have all the tools necessary for success, but do not use them consistently. My mindset often goes astray, visiting places where chocolate bunnies live. I may enlist the aid of Officer Mike to be my personal food policeman. He’s definitely an Alpha type guy. I would have to think twice (or at least 3 times) about disobeying him, depending on the appeal of the food calling to me. As for rewards and motivation, praise also works for me, but belly rubs are optional.

Until next week, be the Alpha in your own life and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Friday, March 27, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-one


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                   
Free the balloon animals!
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Forty-one

I ventured out into the wild blue yonder recently (Go Air Force!) while performing complex pandemic risk factor algorithms in my head, surprised and pleased that everything looked normal. No people in hazmat suits or military vehicles or toilet paper thieves lurking behind trees. I decided that news bingeing about ways to stay healthy was dangerous to my health! Instead I was going to see my doctor about my right thumb that was not behaving as a right thumb should. It was moving up and down in painful jerky motions and not getting a proper grip on life or my snacks.

Usually I take a book with me to any appointment. However, I finished my last book from our now closed library. I couldn’t read anything on my phone since I had just finished my first WW virtual workshop on Zoom which caused my battery power to flatline. I didn’t want to touch any magazines in the exam room for fear of nineteen lurking viruses. So after 1 hour of being left to my own devices, I began looking around the room for ways to amuse myself.

First I prayed the Rosary for all the suffering people in the world. That took up 15 minutes. Then I thought about looking in all the drawers, but was afraid of getting caught. Latex gloves hanging on the wall offered the possibility of balloon animals, but I did not want to waste much needed supplies or be referred to a psychiatrist. I could always practice my line dancing steps while humming “Fly Me to the Moon,” but again did not want to be discovered. Did I dare try to Google how to take your own blood pressure for people stuck in an exam room for two hours? The scale was calling to me, but I did not want to step on my nemesis fully clothed. I kept reminding myself that a thumb exam did not require nudity. Then I spotted my salvation: the paper towel holder!

After waving my hand in front of the holder, it dispensed two sheets of writing paper. The perfect gift for keeping a writer from approaching insanity. After writing the first paragraph to this chapter, the nurse came in to take my vitals.

Now we get to the WW part of my story. I knew from seeing my bloodwork results on the online portal that my cholesterol was on the low end of the high range, but the results were still flagged in red. I felt discouraged about my borderline lipids being called to everyone’s attention. Did you see them? The nurse looked back at my previous numbers, and told me my LDL actually came down 30 points from three months ago. This made me realize that I might not be at my goal, but I’m going in the right direction. It’s all about my perception of where I am now as compared to where I used to be, whether it’s cholesterol or weight. We need to celebrate our successes.

Finally, Dr. Johnny-Come-Lately arrived, diagnosed my condition as a trigger finger thumb (possibly due to an injury from pulling on Zeus’ leash at his last vet appointment - bad dog), injected it with a shot of cortisone and sent me home with the admonition to stay out of trouble. I overheard him telling the nurse to never leave me unattended for long periods of time again.

Until next week, be creative during our isolation protocol and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Friday, March 20, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                           
Some fear width & Zeus

Chapter Forty

One of my favorite comedians, Steven Wright, once said, “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.” I happen to be in the same phobia club as Steven. There must be some deep-rooted traumatic event in my past that caused this debilitating fear (perhaps a lab accident involving gamma radiation). If you even attempt to come near me with a tape measure, my immediate psychological response is to switch over to Personality #2 (The Hulk). For your own good, please do not emotionally provoke me.

My good friends, Merriam and Webster, define “width” as the horizontal measurement taken at right angles to the length. I define my “width” as custom bodywork that’s wider than stock. If I were a Lamborghini, my bodywork would be luxurious and priced between $200,000 to $500,000. Sad to say, I’m more like an oversize truck in need of an escort vehicle. I can aspire to be an Italian sports car, but trucks can be fun, too.

Which brings me to ponder a recent WW Weekly topic on perfection. Coach Kathy told me that trying to be perfect is unrealistic. So unlike Mary Poppins, I’m going to accept the fact that I’m practically imperfect in every way. I’m going to focus on the beauty of imperfections in nature. We all know that the most precious real pearls are those that are formed in nature. The oyster has to deal with an irritant, then coats it with 23 daily Smart Points until it’s no longer an annoyance. Voila! After 5 to 20 years, a saltwater pearl is formed (about the length of time until I reach my goal weight). I’m usually smarter than an oyster, so while I am self-isolating, closing my borders and dealing with irritants (Edward the Great), I’m going to laugh more, read and write more, but eat less.

I just finished reading “Blue Moon” by Lee Child. In this novel, Jack Reacher conducts a WW workshop by incorporating what he learned in the army with Wellness that Works: “It’s something they teach you in the army. The only thing under your direct control is how hard you work. In other words, if you really, really buckle down today, and you get the intelligence, the planning, and the execution each a hundred percent exactly correct, then you are bound to prevail. What the army really means is, if you fail today, it’s completely your own fault.”

Like Steven Wright, “I’m writing a book. I have the page numbers done; now I just have to fill in the rest.” Also, “I’ve written several children’s books...Not on purpose.”

As for laughing more, I’m going to watch videos of long ago favorites: Johnny Carson, Carol Burnett, George Gobel, Victor Borge falling off his piano bench, Topo Gigio ( a 10 inch, half pound foam rubber mouse puppet featured on Ed Sullivan), the Smothers Brothers and more Steven Wright quotes such as, “ I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.” Until next week, stay healthy and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Friday, March 13, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-nine

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                               

Chapter Thirty-nine

Once upon a lifetime ago on a Friday the 13th in September a future WW member was born. This sweet Virgo baby girl (moi) would grow up under a lucky star. She would come to love odd numbers, especially the number 13, and would also love odd people (all of you). Friggatriskaidekaphobia was not a thing for her, probably because she did not learn that word until today. Her playmates were leprechauns and menehunes (Even at a young age, she had a vivid imagination), sprinkling her Carpatho-Rusyn gypsy roots with the luck of the Irish and mischievousness of the little people of Hawaii. This intrinsic gene pool created the soul of a writer who, with luck, will one day be a paid, published writer! Perhaps today will be my lucky day when you pay me with compliments. Or you can always email or fax me some cash!

How is this WW related you may ask? It’s related to our wellness/weight struggles because I strongly believe that we create our own luck (success). Also related because menehunes love zero Smart Point bananas as do I. Success lies deep within our mindset. Did you think today, Friday the 13th, was going to be a lucky day? Do you welcome each morning with the expectation that it’s going to be a great 24 hours? Do you think lucky WW members reach Lifetime status? If you have these positive thoughts, then you will become one of the lucky ones, who with hard work and a shamrock on your shoulder, will be celebrating your goals.

I suggest you use St. Patrick’s Day to jump start your luck manufacturing process. Just don’t forget to wear green on the 17th or a leprechaun will pinch you. Then start thinking about how lucky you are. The more you think about it, the luckier you become. The luckier you become, the more weight you will lose. The more weight you lose, the happier you will be.

In conclusion, I would suggest you eat Lucky Charms cereal in moderation, even though General Mills claims they are magically delicious. I have never tasted these frosted oats, and do not plan on starting now. Instead, I can still believe in the magic of hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, unicorns, rainbows and red balloons. I can exercise extreme caution to not fall head first into my sugar bowl, leaving sugar sprinkle evidence all over my mouth and clothing. I will be delighted with my abundance of determination and luck.

Until next week, make every day a lucky day and be happier.


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Saturday, March 07, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-eight


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                           
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-eight

Daylight Saving Time is approaching early tomorrow morning when I will be forced to lose one hour of sleep. This is no big deal for me since I lose lots of sleep every night due to watching late night TV, dealing with a German Shepherd’s shenanigans (I just like to say that word), consuming of Smart Points in a stupid way, restless mind syndrome, regrets (I’ve had a few), pain, worry, tracking of meals (just kidding!), the need to write, memories, etc. As a citizen of the USA, I am required to change the time. As a member of WW, I am determined that it is time to change my ways.

The biggest change for me is going to be to stop using any excuse to sabotage my WW journey. Here are some of my favorite excuses: I don’t feel like cooking so let’s eat out where unhealthy choices magically appear on my plate. The sky is falling so I’ll eat doughnuts to keep from getting smashed. Zeus’ Apoquel anti-itch medicine costs over $300 a month plus the cost of allergy injections custom made for him are super expensive so I need to feel better by eating more junk food. I need to give myself a treat after giving Zeus his two injections every 10 days. He’s even allergic to cats! The nightly news is so depressing that I need to watch it armed with antidepressants like mint chocolate chip ice cream. Everyone knows the best prevention for the coronavirus is snacking on lots of chips only after thoroughly washing your hands. McDonald’s shamrock shakes are only available once a year. Edward the Great is often in the husbands are frustrating category.

To counterattack the above excuses, I’m going to start by having a lot of fun with the first day of DST. I’ve programmed my clock to randomly select the hours throughout the day. I may start the day with 8 PM when I can indulge in my nightly snack. Four in the afternoon may arrive next with a short nap. Meals, errands, playtime, etc. will have no specific times. I may time travel back to my happy place (Pokai Bay in Hawaii). I’m going to “spring forward” with renewed commitment to WW. Since time is relative, I’ll reach my goal whenever I reach my goal. No pressure!

As Dr. Seuss told me, “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” However, I would like to be Carrie Underwood, if only for a day. I think she’s beautiful and talented. But I also know if I put in the time and effort that she does on fitness alone, I would be happy being me-er than me! So with an extra hour of daylight, I’m vowing to put in an extra hour of effort every day to being the best me possible.

One final word from Dr. Seuss, “From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.”

Until next week, look for the funny things in everyday life and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Saturday, February 29, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-seven

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Wanted: Sandy's Mojo
Chapter Thirty-seven

Local, state and federal (I’ve crossed a few lines) authorities have issued an APB for my mojo. She was last seen wearing an ear to ear smile and bell bottoms. No, I did not leave her behind at Woodstock, bury her beneath the moguls on the Avalanche Trail at Seven Springs Ski Resort or sink her (along with one $85 Scuba Pro Jet Fin) on my first open water dive as part of my NASDS (National Association of Scuba Diving Schools) certification test. For the record, I passed this very difficult test. Nor did she disappear as I was posting at a trot, cantering or jumping over Rocky Mountain high hurdles (one foot high). Actually, she could have gone missing in 3 out of the 4 scenarios listed above. I’ll let you decide which one was not true for me.

So where is Ms. Mojo? Apparently she has been lying dormant within me for quite a few years. Years that have added weight, arthritis, glasses, diminished finances, loss of beloved family members, etc. In other words, life happened. It’s hard enough to tug on a wetsuit on a normal size body (think neck to ankle girdle/spanx) let alone trying to stuff the current model of you into foamed neoprene on a sweltering summer day. It may take two of your diving buddies to dress you, like stuffing a queen size pillow into a twin size pillow case. You could get the bends just from all the hyperventilating involved, but still earn some activity points!

However, I am determined to release my mojo from her inner confinement. I want to regain my 21 year old self’s enthusiasm for life. In this season of Lent, I’ve promised to feed my soul more than my stomach. I’m going to take John Greenleaf Whittier’s advice to buy hyacinths to nourish my soul. I’m going to accept that I have physical limitations for some of my previous activities, but be open to new possibilities. I’m going to sew my mojo back on like Peter Pan’s shadow. As Wendy told Peter, “After all, one can’t leave his shadow (mojo) lying about and not miss it sooner or later, don’t you agree?” So let’s all rediscover our mojos. I’ll sprinkle us with pixie dust as we leap into the air (especially on this 29th day of February) and we’ll fly toward our own personal Neverlands. Just take “the second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.” You can’t miss it.

Until next week, BOLO for any missing mojos, return to their owners and be happier.


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Saturday, February 22, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-six


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                   
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-six

These boots are definitely not made for walking, no matter what that song says! My West Coast son stated that I look like a Stormtrooper straight out of “Star Wars.” So for the next 3 weeks (or until these boots come off), I’m going to live by Stormtrooper rules with a few WW rules thrown in for variety (and weight loss).

In my research of these Imperial fighters (with the help of my assistant, Zeus), I discovered that retreat is not an option for them. This may be due to flexibility issues such as not being able to reach their reverse button. Likewise, quitting WW is not an option for me. The rebel resistance in me will win this war on fat, no matter how long the battle.

Stormtroopers must wear all parts of their armor at all times. My doctor (Dr. Emperor Palpatine) told me the same thing. I’m even supposed to sleep with my boot on. Being of the mindset that I would rather beg forgiveness than ask permission, my foot has been sleeping in the nude. Will Dr. P be able to tell that I did not follow his rule when I see him in March? I certainly hope not. I’ve heard there are dire consequences for subversive behavior.

Everything a Stormtrooper says is recorded and evaluated via a microphone inside their helmets. If my doctor and WW coach are listening via boot microphone, I have no treasonous intentions, perhaps just some basic incompetence. So please stop eavesdropping, it’s not a polite thing to be doing.

Another online source said that Stormtroopers train all their lives, but forget all training during battle. This proves that I have Stormtrooper DNA. How can I train so hard in WW mode, yet forget everything when tough situations arise? I’m clinging to the idea that I’m only messing up at times because my boot made me do it. Once the boot comes off, there’s no stopping me. I will reach my goal weight.

So here’s some advice for my fellow WW Stormtroopers: Practice your aim so you don’t miss your intended target, and don’t die easily. In addition, obey all WW laws!

Until next week, as my friend Yoda would say, “Do or do not. There is no try,” and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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