Monday, June 08, 2015

Potty Training Police Style

Rated PG-13 for mild humor!

According to the 5-12-15 edition of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, "Capitol police officers are getting training after officers accidentally left their guns in the Capitol's public bathrooms three times this year."

Really! Kanela is thinking about volunteering her services to train these officers in what to do when you have to go to the bathroom. Duty calls me!

Perhaps shoulder holsters would be a good idea or purses. Then they could hang their holster/purse on the back of the stall door. If the hook is missing on the back of the door, as it often is, they could always hang it around their necks or do complicated maneuvers to keep the gun in their hands at all times. I call this part of my training: Going On Maneuvers.

The newspaper article did not identify these officers as male or female. I'm not being biased, but I have a feeling they were not female. So gentlemen, sign up for my intensive training and I will show you how to jockey those Jockeys with skill and care. Note: Kanela is blushing a pretty shade of pink! Also, "jockey" is a funny word.

Next on my agenda for forgetful cops is memory training which I call: Memory Enhancement. I have used my special technique on my 97 year old Mother and have had amazing results. I can't give away all my techniques, but just let me say this training involves some post-it notes, string and perhaps some Riunite Lambrusco. The Riunite is for me. It helps me forget what Mom doesn't remember. Also, public restrooms could display a large sign on the inside of the main door reminding cops and criminals alike to take their guns with them.

My third and final technique is called: Visualization. Apparently one of the guns left in the john was left by an officer who was protecting House Speaker John Boehner. I know it's tough love, but I will tell all future officer trainees that if they ever forget their gun, they will be forced to protect this orange skinned, frowny faced man until they retire or his skin takes on a more natural hue or he turns that frown upside down. Whichever comes first.

In conclusion, be one of the first officers to sign up for Potty Training at Kanela's Korner and receive a free Velcro Your Gun to Your Uniform Kit while supplies last. Cost of the course is negotiable contingent upon making a favorable comment below. Cost is also in indirect proportion to the quality of the favorable comment.

To read the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article please click the following link:
http://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2015/05/20/capitol-police-chief-no-excuse-for-leaving-guns-in-bathroom

Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of Kanela's Korner and The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, where Kanela was born; Bethel Park, where her 3 children were born and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Kanela's Korner is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. Her motto is: Funny or not, here I come! Her faithful assistant, Wolfgang, is always by her side. He looks just like a black Lab and works for treats. To contact the author, click the following link.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF