Strangest, But Almost True!

I recently found out I'm not allergic to toxic chemicals. This means I can now drink pesticides without breaking out in a rash.

Comment overheard while shopping near the bathing suit department: "Boas are the perfect accessory to wear when swimming!"

My favorite radio station often has a contest where the 7th caller wins a great prize. I was the 8th caller and received 4 tickets to the Home & Garden Show at the Pittsburgh Convention Center. I also received 4 hard hats!

After many years of searching, I finally found the perfect green jersey to wear to work on St. Patrick's Day this year. Too bad the 17th was on a Saturday!

If you set your clock for 3AM, you will not wake up at 3PM.

Dealing with a sinus infection is not very humorous. Actually, it's very confusing. If my antibiotic causes diarrhea, and my codeine laced "happy" syrup causes constipation, will I be regular? Is it ok to take Immodium? Why do the nurses laugh at me when I ask these questions? It's probably just because I'm such a funny, but sick, humor columnist.

Please email your Get Wells/Condolences to this author, negotiator, crusader, and Royal Highness.

Stranger, But Almost True!

"Here's The Thing Two!"

I'm often called a Drama Queen by my favorite son of the East, my favorite son of the West (sometimes they're both a wee bit "Wicked"), and my favorite daughter who is often in a different time zone from East and West! What they fail to realize is that I'm telling the truth - almost. So I'll wear my crown proudly and be the ruler of all that I see. (Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss).

The Pittsburgh Penguins were threatening to leave Pittsburgh. I often do the same thing. Where is Governor Rendell when I need him? Where is Mayor Luke Skywalker? When I vote in the primaries, I always tell them I'm not on the dark side of the Force Party. They think I'm a cute, funny Jedi Warrior Woman. Let's meet at the bargaining table and negotiate my revenue from tickets, parking, concessions, and slots. I can be in Philadelphia/New Jersey by 4:00 pm with my people. Since I'm right up the street from the soon to be former Mellon Arena site, I've been given pre-approval to use the Weil ALA parking lot for overflow parking, bake sales, and "Take Your Father to Penguin Games" tailgating parties. All proceeds benefit me.

Things always seem to happen in nines to me. See Drama Queen comment above. You already know about my computer from "Strange, But Almost True", however, I left out the prior 6 disasters. My furnace is also breaking. The Heating & Cooling people assured me it's not going to explode, it's just going to die soon. If only I can put up with the loud piercing wail it makes every time it's on, until revenue starts pouring in from my Penguin deal.

Also, our second car died. Well, actually it was killed by a homicidal oil changer. We took it in for a normal oil change and came out with an abnormal frozen engine. Your typical hospital nightmare. This psycho not only sabotaged our car but also the truck before us. Needless to say, he's no longer employed with this company. Be warned though - you may want to check references before your next oil change. I'm not naming the particular business, because the owner has accepted full responsibility. However, their insurance company has a big attitude. If departed car is not given an engine transplant soon, I may have to reveal some details for the good of my public.

Be sure to visit me also at sandraseeley.blogspot.com and check out The Writings Between Two Columns and the Future Champions.

Strange, But Almost True!

"Here's The Thing!"

On March 7, 2007, along with Pittsburgh Public School District, Get Go had a 2 hour delay due to snow conditions. Just kidding, Get Go! You dispensed my fat free French Vanilla Cappucchino right on schedule. A caffeine high five to you.

Have you tried paying a bill by phone lately? It seems certain companies like Dick's Sporting Goods charges you a fee to take YOUR money. Not very sporting of you, Dick!

My computer died. I called Staples to see if their tech could revive it. The person on the phone told me they couldn't diagnose it if I couldn't power it on. But that's the problem! Ahhhhhhh!!! In defense of Staples, phone person was not the techie - just the dummy. Perhaps I'll get the "Dream Team" on Grey's Anatomy to work on it. After all, they revived Meredith and my computer wasn't even under water.

OK, here's a PSSA math question to see if you're smarter than the average 4th grader. At 5AM, on March 7th, I shoveled my driveway of all visible white stuff. It took me 1 hour and 1 extra shower. With hands clutching the steering wheel in a death grip and hyperventilating from fear, I drove 30 plus miles to work at 5 mph. If T = D/R, how long did it take me to realize that Pittsburgh Public School District closed their doors in my freezing face? If all teachers at Weil ALA are supposed to be at work by 7:35 AM even on a 2 hour delay, couldn't the "Roads" Scholars have decided before 8:15 AM that driving was dangerous? My next car is going to be a Zamboni, snowmobile, or dog sled. Hey, I remember Sgt Preston of the Yukon. "Mush, you huskies!"

Humor me: Invest in my 402L Plan (L is for laughter).

PS

Be sure to visit me also at sandraseeley.blogspot.com and check out The Writings Between Two Columns and the Future Champions.