I recently found out I'm not allergic to toxic chemicals. This means I can now drink pesticides without breaking out in a rash.
Comment overheard while shopping near the bathing suit department: "Boas are the perfect accessory to wear when swimming!"
My favorite radio station often has a contest where the 7th caller wins a great prize. I was the 8th caller and received 4 tickets to the Home & Garden Show at the Pittsburgh Convention Center. I also received 4 hard hats!
After many years of searching, I finally found the perfect green jersey to wear to work on St. Patrick's Day this year. Too bad the 17th was on a Saturday!
If you set your clock for 3AM, you will not wake up at 3PM.
Dealing with a sinus infection is not very humorous. Actually, it's very confusing. If my antibiotic causes diarrhea, and my codeine laced "happy" syrup causes constipation, will I be regular? Is it ok to take Immodium? Why do the nurses laugh at me when I ask these questions? It's probably just because I'm such a funny, but sick, humor columnist.
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