Today I am Kanela and will continue to be Kanela until I no longer have teenagers living with me. They would be mortified to be publicly associated with this column. So for now, I will remain anonymous. Unfortunately, that means no flattering pictures of me next to my by-line. Instead I have given my editor permission to use Dave Barry’s picture with long blonde hair added for a feminine look. Feel free to claim to be Kanela should the need arise. Someday, we’ll have a public unveiling and my alter ego will come forward.
I used to love Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, but always confused them. I was saddened by Siskel’s death in 1999. My first thoughts were: What now? Will Ebert have to give movies a one thumb up or one thumb down? Use two hands? Do twice the work? My second thought was: Well, finally I’ll be able to distinguish between the two. Or did Ebert die?
Then there are Robert Dinero and Al Pacino. I have never seen these two fine actors together. Personally, I firmly believe they are the same person. They actually claim each other as dependents for tax purposes. Even the IRS is confused by them.
Two of my favorite folk singers will forever remain a mystery to me. Of course, I’m speaking silently of Simon and Garfunkle. Even after the split, I try to picture their individual physical characteristics, but would fail a matching quiz involving just these two.
Tommy and Dick Smothers are easier for me since Tommy was always my favorite. Only fair since Dick was his mother’s favorite. I recently saw this dynamic duo on a PBS special and am pleased to report that ageless Tommy still has that ornery gleam in his eyes.
And what’s with fettucine and linguine? I can’t even spell them let alone tell them apart. Must be that Italian thing again. See my debut article.
The old timers are especially difficult for me since they were before my time. Let’s see. It’s Abbot & Andy, Laurel & Costello, and Amos & Hardy. Right?
Here’s one for all you little people out there. Is Bert pointy headed and stupid or is it Ernie?
Only the other day, I had a chance encounter with Mary, as in Peter, Paul and Mary. She confided in me that after all these years, she’s totally clueless as to the identities of Peter and Paul.
In conclusion, I hope I have not made a huge mistake by allowing my name to be associated with Dave Barry’s picture. Years from now, when people see us together, will they be asking: Which on is Dave and which one is Kanela?
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