Sunday, March 26, 2006

Coloring With Famous People

By Kanela

"Dancing With the Stars", "Ice Skating With Celebrities", and "American Idol" inspired me to create my own reality TV show. I've decided to call it "Coloring With Famous People" for obvious reasons.

Here's how it works. Famous people from all over the world will send me samples of their coloring abilities. From these thousands of entries, I will choose the contestants. Entries have already begun flooding my mailbox. George W. Bush colored a picture of Geena Davis. However, I had to disqualify him because he missed the entry deadline. Plus, he colored outside the lines – a lot! He claimed no one told him about the deadline. Too bad, we'll just color you "sad", George! Perhaps you could be more curious next time and discover some facts on your own. Have a nice yellow banana on us!

OK. So here are some famous people on this year's show: Billy Joel, George Lucas, Bill Gates, Sir Elton John, Ellen DeGeneres, Martha Stewart, and Queen Elizabeth.

The theme for this week is the color "purple". Each contestant will receive 2 scores: one for technical difficulty and one for artistic merit. Each person will color their favorite purple object in any medium they choose. Crayons, markers, paint, chalk, colored pencils, etc. are all acceptable.

Advance word is that Elton will be coloring purple pajamas and Queen Elizabeth will be doing a stunning prune or pansy. Martha is doing sheets and pillowcases in shades of lilac for spring and Ellen is painting a purple potato chip. Bill Gates is dyeing toilet paper and calling it "Microsoft Purple" (the deep purple ultra soft version comes with virus protection and aloe. However, it is not expected to be out until after Christmas. Coloring book manufacturers are very disappointed in this setback.)

My early favorite is Billy Joel's "Purple State of Mind" colored inside an I Love (heart) New York bumper sticker. But, George Lucas could take all the veteran votes for his Purple Heart presentation to Luke picture. All the Ewoks have told me they plan on phoning and texting their votes after the show.

Paula, Randy, Simon and I will be the judges. Ryan (after the break) Seacrest will host/mediate the show. The guest colorist this week will be Jose Eber. It's been rumored he'll be coloring Taylor Hick's hair in graduated shades of purple, if only Taylor can remain motionless for the time required.

Auditions for the show have been held in cities around the world. The worst of the coloring challenged have already been eliminated. See them on Fox at 8:00 on Tuesday. For a verbal trailer of the auditions, read on. Tragically, Stevie Wonder discovered that he is color blind. Oprah had an unfair advantage with "The Color Purple". Andy Warhol is dead. George W. won't take "no" for an answer and appeals to the American public. He promised to promote purple on his Farewell Tour 2009, Have another yellow banana, George. Prince (formerly known as Prince) couldn’t finish painting his purple house in time for the show. And finally, Master P (for purple) was not visibly moving.

I'm already planning my second season show. I won't tell you who the famous people contestants will be. I will tell you that major surprises are pending, the color will be green, and for the first time, I feel so "Wicked"!

Stay tuned.
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